11. CONFIDENCE

11. Confidemce

Have you often admired the person who is friendly, relaxed and talks easily in a crowd? Most of us have wished that we had more of these outgoing attributes to help us in our work and daily lives.Confidence comes easily and naturally for some, for many others it seems impossible. The good news is that it is a habit that can be learned to some degree by anyone. It will take some training and practice, but what a great way to be more successful and to feel better.

"The control of the thinking machine is perfectly possible. And since nothing whatever happens to us outside our own brain; since nothing hurts us or gives us pleasure except within the brain, the supreme importance of being able to control what goes on in that mysterious brain is patent. Without the power to dictate to the brain its task and to ensure obedience - true life is impossible." - Arnold Bennett (1867-1931)

A great source for learning self-confidence is of course books. You haven't been alone in the need for information on improving your ability to interact positively with people and there are numerous self-help books available to get you started. Just take an easy approach and read a variety of the best sellers that you feel will benefit you the most.

Using autosuggestion, by repeatedly filling the mind with thoughts of calmness and composure, can improve self-assurance. Picture in your mind, as vividly as possible, a scene in which you are performing very successfully. Picture this again and again so that your mind is totally occupied with your easy performance. This will push out doubt as there is not room for both trains of thought. Every time a negative thought pops up, immediately replace it with positive thoughts.

Affirmations are a similar technique that can work wonders. This is the repeating of positive words about yourself, concerning what you wish to do. The words cram the mind with confident thoughts that have a direct effect on how you feel and act. As an example, if you have to make a presentation - ' I have nothing to lose. They like me and I feel good and comfortable with these people. I am concentrating on them, not on myself. They are not here to be critical of me. I am doing everything slowly, calmly, surely. I am relaxed and breathing deeply and easily. I feel confident about this and am in control.

'"They can because they think they can." - Vergil (BC)

10. DESPAIR

10. DESPAIR
The feeling of despair and hopelessness may seem very appropriate and particular to your situation, but you should know that others have been there and have suffered similar or worse experiences. They have survived to enjoy life and so will you.

"We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival." - Winston Churchill.

All things pass, have they not always before? To counteract the feeling of hopelessness, list those assets and pleasures which you have but seem to be ignoring. Perhaps some of these words will turn your thoughts: family, friends, health, job, home, nature, pets, garden, music, faith, books. Start thinking about the nice things in your life, things you value and make you happy. Leave the negatives behind. "Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies." - Erich Fromm.

The feeling of guilt often results in despair and depression. We should think about the wrong we have done, but just long enough to realize the full extent of what we did. If there is something that can be done about it, consider doing it. The only other thing that we can do is to assure ourselves that we will avoid that mistake in the future. Beyond this, stewing over it and rehashing the event endlessly, will do no good. It is a complete waste of time and makes us feel sick with worry.

Avoid experiences that result in guilt by not judging, blaming, or bringing down other people. Try to find their good points, and try to avoid anger. Be nice to yourself too, accept that you make mistakes, and don't hold a grudge.

One of the best ways to recover from despair, guilt, or sorrow, is to keep busy.

"When all else is lost the future still remains." - Christian Bovee (1820-1904

9. RESPONSIBILITY

9. RESPONSIBILITY

Our lives are only as good as we decide to make them. As with any worthwhile project we should make short and long range plans. We should follow them through, reviewing and altering them as we go. It is our design and determination that decide our destiny, and this is our responsibility.

When things go wrong we should not be quick to blame anyone. This can easily become a habit supplying us with ready excuses for our own mistakes and problems. Let's examine others' and our own actions and then decide how we should proceed with our own efforts.

"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be." - Thomas Kempis (1380-1471)

We should make a special effort to be what we want to be, giving consideration to what others might wish of us. We must do our duties, complete our tasks, be kind and honest. When there is the temptation for an immediate pleasure that may be harmful to us or to others, we must resist. Where there are injustices we should speak up.

"It is not alone what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable." - Moliere (1622-1673)

We are individuals and should do what we believe in, taking responsibility for our actions. A good critical look at ourselves is very helpful in determining what needs changing. It may also reveal much good to be proud of.

Not in the clamor of the crowded street,Not in the shouts and plaudits of the throng,But in ourselves, are triumph and defeat.- Henry Longfellow (1807-1882)

8. ACCEPTANCE

8. ACCEPTANCE
When faced with a serious problem the first thing we can do is determine if there is a way to fix it. If there is a way then we can lay out a plan and go to it. If there is not a reasonable solution then we can resign ourselves to the fact that it isn't going to change and move on. Acceptance of the situation can provide some immediate relief from the anger, anxiety and stress that might be burdening us.

Why wouldn't you accept it, if it does not have a solution? Rehashing it over and over in your mind will not make it disappear and is just self punishment. The Serenity Prayer as used by the Alcoholics Anonymous organization puts it in this way.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

Most of our worries are about something that has happened and is still with us, real or perhaps only as a memory. If it has already happened, what can be learned? It is the experience of struggling, surviving and carrying on, that makes us better humans.

How often have you worried intensely over something that turned out to be not as bad as you initially thought, or not a problem at all? Even some of our most serious personal problems often fade away in a month or year.

Acceptance is an important ingredient in the formula of life. It makes an irritating situation acceptable, a major problem minor. Acceptance should be waiting to take over whenever there is not a way out.

"There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about the things which are beyond the power of the will." - Epictetus (55-135)

7. FUTURE

7. Future

Our vision for the future might hold one of these two possibilities. We could be dreaming about some enjoyment that hopefully lies ahead, or worried about some looming hardship.Often the enjoyment in our lives is put on hold, we just need more time and money. We just have to work a little harder. Too many things can go wrong with this and we may not be able to do it later for various reasons. If we put off our enjoyment of life until later, it may take longer than we think, or it may never happen the way that we envisioned it.We should not throw away our precious todays in anticipation of good times, not when we can have days of enjoyment and satisfaction now. Perhaps it's time for an examination of our style of life and our wants and needs, now and for the future. It is good to imagine a happy future and make plans for it but we should not put off the happiness we can have today. So why not live each day as if the future plans may not materialize.

"We are never living, but only hoping to live; and, looking forward always to being happy, it is inevitable that we never are so." - Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)

Worrying over something that is going to happen will make our lives stressful and less happy.After examining an upcoming difficult or seemingly disastrous situation, if there is something that can be done to improve on it, do it. If not, and the event cannot or should not be avoided, then accept the fact and start thinking about something else. Worrying about it will not only be a total waste of time but it will increase anxiety, and things will seem even worse than they really are.

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, not to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly." Buddha (BC)

6. TODAY

Today (Present)

Have we ever asked a question openly thatAre we living for that moment or minute? Mostly the answer would come straight not yet. The reason being was our lives, values and Ethics are based on either the past or Future but never on Present day.

We never attempt to learn from the present minute but assure ourself either from past or future. Thus by accepting this neither we live in past nor future.

Focus on presentday scenario of life andtry to grab each minute of it.

At the end of today, if it has been preoccupied with thoughts of enjoyment that might be coming, we will find that we have lost something valuable that will be gone forever. Today!

In hoping to be happy about something in the future, instead of being happy right now, we are missing out. We often want more time, more money for that new purchase, a better job, better health. The list may be long.

This is such a waste because there are probably many things to feel really good about each day. Unfortunately we are encouraged to dwell on things that we have yet to acquire. If we were bombarded with daily reminders of how lucky we are and how much we have to be happy about, we would retire at night with wonderful days behind us.

"No matter what looms ahead, if you can eat today, enjoy the sunlight today, mix good cheer with friends today, then enjoy it and bless God for it. Do not look back on happiness or dream of it in the future. You are only sure of today; do not let yourself be cheated of it." - Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1878)

Our day should be free of other stresses and worries. An analysis of a bad event that has happened, or may happen, can be worthwhile in determining a course of action. Beyond that, to continue worrying about it is a completely useless waste of time and is harmful to our health. Worry does not help the future experience and could make it worse, and the past cannot be changed.

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could, some blunders and absurdities have crept in. Forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

So enjoy yourself today because it is not coming back.

5. Gaze of PAST

5. Past

Being Human beings and scientifically evolved species though we make tall claims, still we suffer n indecision and illogical activties and ideaology.
Most of us dwell in past thoughts and dig through past mistakes to make a report like that of a post-mortem report.

We all make mistakes. Sometimes they are very bad and cause ourselves and others much worry and suffering. We can be depressed and burdened with regret for many years, never forgiving ourselves, never forgetting our actions. Carrying on in this way is another big mistake, disturbing our lives in very unpleasant and painful ways.

It is not necessary. Worrying about something that has already happened is a complete waste of time if you just keep wishing that it hadn't happened. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change it.

"We ought not to look back unless it is to derive useful lessons from past errors, and for the purpose of profiting by dear-brought experience." - George Washington (1732-1779)

Perhaps there is some way to make amends and that should still be a consideration. If not then regard it as a learning experience. Review what has happened enough to draw conclusions about what to do, and what not do, in the future. But then forget the stupid or bad thing you did and start thinking about something else.

Negative thoughts about the past will keep coming back again and again unless there are other thoughts occupying your mind. Begin feeding your brain with encouraging and fun ideas especially when that 'thing' from the past returns. Be generous, kind and forgiving to others and yourself.

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us." - Alexander Graham Bell

You no longer have yesterday; you only have today and tomorrows.